What Serena did Next
by Cinnamon68
Summary: An attempt to explain away the Raf/Serena kiss in the Autumn trailer. I can't believe that Serena would string three people along at the same time. That's just not like her; she has a moral streak a mile wide and is loyal to a fault. I can see her being conflicted between Bernie and Robbie, but Raf-really!


**What Serena did Next**

An attempt to explain away the Raf/Serena kiss in the Autumn trailer. I can't believe that Serena would string three people along at the same time. That's just not like her; she has a moral streak a mile wide and is loyal to a fault. I can see her being conflicted between Bernie and Robbie, but Raf-really?!

Serena Campbell retreated to her office, and shut the door. Closing the blinds she went to sit down at her desk and stared at Bernie's desk. The one woman she had come in here to try to forget. She knew it was a futile exercise. Berenice Griselda Wolfe had filled her waking (and sleeping) thoughts for months if she were honest with herself. _Who on Earth had the middle name Griselda? Well Bernie, obviously,_ she thought as she stood up and started pacing the office. The object of her thoughts was still busy in theatre, with a patient who had bled post-operatively. Earlier they had worked together on a patient with a perforated ulcer. Serena had been transfixed by Bernie's hands as the cut and stitched in a skilled manner, the long fingers moving deftly as she worked to repair the damaged tissue. She had imagined those fingers touching her, stroking her and she wondered if Bernie ever had similar thoughts. Since 'The Kiss', as Serena now referred to it, had happened her feelings for her friend and colleague had intensified a hundred fold. Serena felt like a giddy schoolgirl in the throes her first crush, which she supposed she was. Well, not the schoolgirl part obviously, but she had never before felt like this about another woman. Was it because Bernie was a woman that the feelings were so intense, or was it that Bernie was just Bernie. Her amazing, fantastic, awe inspiring self. Serena felt she barely knew herself any more. S _he had always been attracted to men, hadn't she? So why had she fallen so hard and so fast for Bernie Wolfe?_ She couldn't explain it. _What did that make her now, bi-sexual, lesbian? Did it matter? Had she always had these thoughts; suppressed them?_ Serena closed her eyes and imagined herself kissing Robbie. The image soon morphed, so it was Bernie whose lips were tenderly and passionately responding to hers. After the avoidance of each other for a week and then the awkward conversations that followed, Serena had been relieved when they had resolved to stay friends and no more. So why did her heart ache for Bernie, and why did she feel so disappointed?

"Aargh!" Serena exclaimed, as she the first object she laid her hands on, at the door of the Office. She watched, feeling guilty, as the newly repaired icon of Cosmas and Damian split in two, once again.

Raf heard the commotion and saw Serena bend down to pick up the object she had thrown at the door. He had been increasingly concerned about his mentor and friend's behaviour for the past few weeks, and had he not been so pre-occupied with Fletch, and the children, he probably would have called her on it before now. As he moved towards the office, Raf wondered how he should approach this.. He was pretty sure that it had to do with Bernie. The tension between the two women was so palpable, that even someone as dense as he usually was, had picked up on it.

As Raf entered the office, Serena straightened up, her face flushed and her hair slightly mussed, she looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

"Ms Campbell," Raf started.

"What can I do for you, Mr Di Lucca?" Serena asked, as she tried to regain her composure.

Raf looked at her for a moment, and wondered what he should say to this formidable woman, that wouldn't instantly earn him the famous 'Campbell Stare'. He decided to forge ahead as the tension on the ward was affecting it's usual smooth running, and something needed to be done.

"Erm," Raf continued, not so eloquently as he would have liked. "Are you alright, Serena? Has something happened between you and Ms Wolfe? It's just that..." He stumbled, wondering if he had overstepped the mark.

Serena eyed him warily and just as he he thought she were going to shout at him and banish him from the office, her face softened, and Raf saw a tear glisten in the corner of her eye. Tentatively he moved a little closer. He reached out his hand, but then dropped it after a moment.

"Why?" she asked sharply. "Has someone said something?" Serena was near paranoid when it came to hospital gossip. She had been the subject of the rumour mill when Edward had worked at the Hospital, and still felt the shame, even though the gossips had long since moved on, and forgotten all about Edward.

"No, no." Raf tried to explain. "Nothing like that. It's just that I couldn't help noticing that er...things seemed a little strained between you two. It's none of my business, I know, but I hate to think that the pair of you had fallen out."

Serena hung her head and gripped the desk she was leaning on.

"No, it's nothing like that." Serena explained. "She kissed me..." She said against her better judgement.

Raf's eyes widened, as he tried to comprehend the statement. He had heard the rumours that Bernie was bi-sexual. That she had been involved with the anaesthetist, Alex Dawson, who had done a locum shift at Holby some months back. _But Serena?_ He'd never thought she'd been interested in women. He was in no position to offer anyone advice when it came to matters of the heart. His recent breakup with Naomi was testament to his inability to read women.

"And you didn't want her to?" he asked, unsure of what to say. "Kiss you, I mean?"

Serena looked up at him sharply, deciding to tell him the truth. "What? No, I did." Serena exclaimed. "I kissed her back." she continued, barely audible.

Raf looked at her, his eyes widened in shock. "But, but, I don't understand? If you both want it, what's the problem?"

 _Was it really that simple?_ Serena thought.

"It's complicated..." Serena replied. _How can I explain it? Should I even be trying to explain it, to Raf of all people? He has enough on his plate at the moment._

"We've decided to keep it professional and friendly and nothing more."

"But why?" Raf tried again.

 _Yes, why?_ Serena's inner voice chided her. _Because being with a woman is something you can't bear, scares you to death, terrifies you?_

"Because..." Serena started to explain. _What was it Bernie had said about her. Oh yes. 'You:- dyed-in-the-wool heterosexual.'_

"Because?" Raf echoed

Serena thought about it. _What exactly was she afraid of? That she was a lesbian? Surely not? That she was no longer attracted to men. Was it possible she was bi-sexual and had never known it?_

Serena let out a frustrated sigh. How could she explain it to someone else, when she couldn't even explain it to herself?

"Why does it have to be so complicated." Serena didn't expect an answer.

"But why is it complicated?" Raf asked.

"Because I've never been more than friends with a woman before and the thought terrifies me!" she said, echoing the very words she'd said to Bernie a week or so earlier.

"And you're terrified because..?" Raf said wondering why this of all things would terrify her.

Serena looked at him.

"Are you really terrified, or are you just worried about what people will think and say? Or are you afraid that you don't find men attractive any more?"

Serena opened her mouth and closed it, unable to articulate what she wanted to say.

"Serena Campbell lost for words! I never thought I'd see the day." A sudden thought hit him, and before he could think too much about it, he said "Do you find me attractive?"

"What!?" Serena spluttered.

"Look at me." Raf said as he moved closer. "It's a simple enough question. Do you find me attractive?"

Serena thought about it. _Did she?_ Thinking back to when she'd first met Raf, Serena remembered that when they had been introduced she had thought the new Registrar handsome and yes she supposed she had found him attractive. It didn't matter though, she would never act on it. She was his mentor. It would be sexual harassment if she so much as suggested it.

Seeing the dawning realisation in Serena's eyes, Raf said. "Kiss me."

"Wh..what!" Serena stared wide eyed at Raf.

"You heard me. Kiss me." he repeated. "I won't accuse you of any impropriety, I assure you. Think of it as an experiment. Collecting data to form a hypothesis."

Raf moved his face a little closer to Serena's. Instinctively, Serena moved closer, and then closer, until their lips met, tentatively at first. Soon the kiss became more heated as Raf slid his hand into Serena's hair and she cupped his face in her hand. Serena felt a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach and her heart pounded in her chest. She broke the kiss, seeing Raf flushed, knowing she must be too.

"So," Raf said. "How did it compare?"

Serena looked puzzled for a moment then the realisation dawned on her. The kiss with Raf had been pleasant enough, but had lacked the intensity, the fire, and the passion of her kiss with Bernie.

Raf beamed. Seeing Bernie approaching the office in her scrubs, he pulled back.

"What does it matter what label you put on it? Tell her how you feel."

"It's not that simple." Serena countered.

"Isn't it? There's no time like the present." Raf said, as Bernie entered the office.

Raf made for the door, as Bernie looked at the pair a little perplexed.

"Am I interrupting something?" Bernie asked looking from one colleague to the other.

"Not at all." Raf said as he reached the door. "But I think Serena has something to tell you." he said mischievously as he left.


End file.
